1000 Days of Love #2: secret to making friends
Hi friend,
Soundarya here, author of 1000 Days of Love. :)
Before we dive into this week's letter: I'm hosting the very first ❤️ Secret Session ❤️ an intimate live conversation for this community.
I'll be joined by Rajesh Setty, my godfather, mentor, and the greatest teacher in my life. Together, we'll talk about a question that has shaped my life more than almost anything else: How do you find the right mentors and build a support system that helps you grow?
As always, there's a gift hidden in the newsletter 😉
Every week, I send this newsletter to 8,000 people who are eager to deepen human relationships. Each edition has a short story, a tiny experiment to try, and a question for you, plus a surprise gift hidden somewhere inside. It also has updates on my upcoming novel as we count down to the pre-order launch on August 16, 2026. 🐎
A short story
8 years ago, the idea of networking would make me want to hide in a bathroom stall. Today, there's nothing that gives me more joy (except for perhaps dancing 💃).
In the past few weeks, I met more than 25 new people - both online and in-real-life. And I didn't think of a single one of them as networking. I just think I made 25 new friends.
This was not always the case.
8 years ago, when I was a student at Columbia, I'd always walk into a room full of people with a sick feeling in my stomach. "Oh god, what does he think of me?" "Does she like me?" "Am I saying the right things?"
Maaaaybe once or twice I might feel chemistry with someone - that "intangible" thing you feel where you like someone instantly. I always assumed it was luck, or something you're born with.
That. Is. Not. True.
Turns out this is a switch, and you can flip it today.
I learned about the switch from Rajesh Setty, in a course we shot last year:
~~~
Me: Soooo, we've already talked about the importance of listening intently in conversations. Is there something else that goes into building life-long relationships?
Rajesh: You put the pre-like switch on.
Me: Huh?
Rajesh: You like them even before you see their face or hear their voice.
Me: Sure…
Rajesh: It's simple. Whatever you focus on, grows. The pre-like switch helps to remove the in-built bias that we all have to judge people. When someone's talking, you're usually in judging mode. You're thinking, 'Why did they reach out to me? What do they want? Why are they being smart or dumb?' But the moment you pre-like them, you don't judge.
Me: Right. Because then you're just talking to a friend.
Rajesh: Yes. I rarely get a chance to judge, because I'm always discovering what else is good about the person in front of me.
~~~
I swear it works.
And to test it out, here's a tiny experiment for you.
A tiny experiment
Experiment: Pick one person you'll speak to this week. Before you meet them, imagine they're already one of your favorite people.
Reasoning: We don't just hear people with our ears, we hear them through our assumptions. When you decide to like someone before they earn it, your curiosity grows and judgment shrinks.
A question for you
🤔 Question for you: Have you ever met someone and instantly liked them? Why did that happen?
Hit reply and tell me. I read every response, and I'll share a few in the next edition (anonymously, unless you tell me otherwise).
Last week, I asked you about the person who makes you feel most seen. I got 100+ beautiful responses. My favorite response came from Viraj Lele (paraphrased):
It's my mother. I've been living in the United States for more than ten years now, but despite the distance, there hasn't been a period where we've gone many days without talking. We speak almost every day - sometimes even twice a day. What makes those conversations special is that she never rushes through them. She genuinely wants to know how I'm doing, not just what I'm doing. She notices when something feels off in my voice, and asks me to open up instead of assuming everything is fine.
👑 Winner: Harini Balaji 👑
Harini found the hidden surprise first and won a free copy of 1000 Days of Love (pre-orders open August 16. Book comes out early 2027). 🎉
This week's hidden surprise is somewhere in this newsletter too. Find it, send me a screenshot, and you might be next. 😉
Quote of the week: The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
~ Pablo Picasso
Get a weekly letter on love, friendship, and ways to deepen human connection. Each letter has a hidden gift. 8,000+ curious souls read it! 🎁
